A Parent’s Guide to Talking with Kids about Technology

Technology and Your Kids

In the not-too-recent past, news outlets reported that large social media companies had a trove of research looking at how their platforms were affecting the mental health of their users. The results were staggering. Usage correlated with increased depression and anxiety. These algorithmically curated experiences were engineered for the sake of exploiting human weakness.

This all came home for me when I (Andrew) had to stop reading the daily news on my iPad during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic because it was affecting my attitude. I would doomscroll through the news and notice my state of mind affected, which in turn shaped how the day would unfold.

Companies have learned to benefit their bottom line by manipulating people’s emotions. For example, the pornography crisis deadens society to the sanctity of marital intercourse. Our digital ecosystem lets politically correct sex trafficking—pornography— prey on our instincts. This is to say nothing of the ongoing debates about how political regimes or private companies can harvest data in order to influence elections.

The rage of toxic polarization has been weaponized by the anonymity of keyboards. And then there is the next frontier: Artificial Intelligence (AI), a breathtaking technology with yet-to-be-discovered possibilities.

What Do I Say When . . . ?

Andrew T. Walker, Christian Walker

In a world filled with cultural confusion, this book provides busy Christian parents with quick and trustworthy answers to questions their children may ask about life’s toughest topics, including abortion, sexuality, technology, political engagement, and more.

It goes without saying that technology, particularly all of life in the digital age, is presenting us with a dizzying array of possibilities when it comes to where we spend our time, how we understand who we are, and how we perceive the world around us. No stone is left unturned when it comes to technology. Technology is not just a “thing” we use; it colors virtually every interaction we have in the world today. We use technology but then technology shapes us into the types of persons that further technology’s demands. It’s an unending cycle of compulsion-desire-formation.

The most important lesson we want to draw out is simple: carelessness toward technology will see you and your household swept up in its power. If there’s any call to action that we want to convey, it is the importance of active engagement with your child’s (and family’s) technology use.

Biblical Principles

Here are some basic biblical, theological, and philosophical principles that every Christian parent should know:

Technology’s value is measured by whether it is pointing us to God and his word or away from it.
Technology can be used for good and for bad.
Technology should be seen as a gift to build civilization and provide better controls around safeguarding life.
Technology cannot remove humanity’s greatest problem: sin. No amount of technology will be adequate as the all-sufficient balm that we often view it to be.
Intentionality is pivotal in thinking through the unintended consequences of technological influence.
Christians should adopt neither an instinctual rejection nor an instinctual acceptance of technology. All parents must examine, study, and plan for how their children will use technology.
A child’s interaction with technology should not be with an “off-on” switch but a dimmer switch. Children need to slowly adjust to the technology available to them, not simply be thrown into the deep end to fend for themselves.
A source of Christian witness in the society we live in today is to prevent our Christian homes from falling prey to the temptation to isolate ourselves in order to let technology entertain us individually (often in separate rooms or on separate devices). The family itself must confront technology by how technology is impacting the family itself, not just individuals.

A Conversation Guide

Because we believe the home is central to the development of the next Christian generation, we call our sequence of conversational instruction “floors” that correspond to a home. Below you’ll see three “floors” of biblical truths and conversation starters. Instead of having strict age guidelines, we use “floors” to help guide you to determine where your child may best fit based on development, maturity, and age.

First-floor children are probably between the ages of four and eight, second-floor children are probably between the ages of eight and twelve, and third-floor children are probably between twelve and sixteen. If you think your child is ready for a more mature conversation, then move up to the next floor. If you think your child is not ready for a conversation, then move down to the floor below. The floors are not rigid and are intended to guide you in discussing the topics thoroughly as your child grows and help you to keep ahead of culture.

Remember that you want to be the first person to have the conversation with your child to be able to lay the biblical foundation. Otherwise, culture will form the foundation for you. Stay vigilant and keep ahead of culture.

Technology’s value is measured by whether it is pointing us to God and his word or away from it.

The First Floor

Biblical Truths

God gives humans the creative ability to build and create things, like technology (TV, iPads, tablets, phones, screens, etc.) (Gen. 4:17–22).
Technology can be good and help us learn.
Too much technology is not good for us.
God gives dads and moms the authority to tell when you (the child) can use technology (Ex. 20:12).
God tells boys and girls to obey dads and moms because their job is to keep their children safe and healthy (Eph. 6:1–3).

Conversation Starters

What did God give humans the ability to do? What kinds of things do you like to build and create? What kinds of things are part of technology? Do you like playing with technology?
Can technology be good? What can technology help us do? How does your technology help you learn?
Is too much technology good or bad for us? Why is it bad?
Who gives Dad and Mom authority over you? What is authority? Who gets to decide how much technology you get to use?
When Dad and Mom tell you it’s time to turn off your technology, do you obey? What is their job? Are they keeping you safe and healthy when they turn off your technology?

The Second Floor

Biblical Truths

God gives the ability to shape and mold raw materials into something productive, like technology (Gen. 4:17–22).
Technology can be good if it brings glory and honor to God. Technology can be bad if it is corrupted by sin (1 Cor. 10:31).
Technology must be limited for your good.
God has given authority to your parents to plan how you will use technology, where you will use technology, and to put limits on your technology (Eph. 6:1–3).
God has called you to obey your parents in all things. Your parents’ job is to keep you safe and healthy. They are trying to protect your development while you use technology (Ex. 20:12).

Conversation Starters

What does God give humans the ability to create? What has our God-given creativity led humans to create?
Is technology good? Is technology bad? What falls under the term “technology?”
Why should technology be limited? Why is that for your good?
What authority has God given your parents? How do they use that authority?
What has God called you to do? What is your parents’ job? How do they keep you safe and healthy? How does this protect you when you are using technology? How does this protect you when they limit your technology? Are you obeying them with technology?

The Third Floor

Biblical Truths

God gives humans dominion over his creation. Humans taking raw materials and channeling them into productive use is at the very heart of exercising dominion over creation. Technology grows out of human creativity (Gen. 4:17–22).
Technology should be treated like any other invention: Is this training me for righteousness or unrighteousness? The same principles that guide the Christian life are the same principles that should be guiding the use of technology. Technology can be good if used to help us learn and train in righteousness. Technology can be bad if used for sin (Phil. 4:8).
Technology affects our thoughts, emotions, and desires. It must be safeguarded, protected, and limited. Our hearts are filling up through what we hear and see. When we consume, ingest, and familiarize ourselves with media over time, our affections will be pulled to Christ or away from him. We must be intentional and critical about what we consume. We must protect and limit how much time we spend on our devices and what we are doing on our devices (Matt. 12:34–35).
Digital connections and community cannot replace reallife connections and community. Online friendships and relationships do not provide true intimacy or physical connectedness. God desires us to be in community with other believers and enjoy the rich blessings of this life (Prov. 27:17).
God has provided parents to safeguard your heart, mind, and development through limiting your technology. God has given your parents authority over you, and you are called to obey their authority (Eph. 6:1–3).

Conversation Starters

How do humans show dominion over God’s creation? How is technology a productive use of human creativity?
Is technology good or bad? Have you ever asked yourself if technology is training you for righteousness or unrighteousness? Do you have righteous technology? Do you have unrighteous technology? Is there some technology that you need to get rid of? Do you need help?
Why does technology need to be safe-guarded, protected, and limited? Have you lived with limited or unlimited technology? How has that impacted you? How have your affections (thoughts, emotions, desires) been formed through what you have consumed? Do you need to rethink what you are consuming? Are there things that are pulling you away from Christ? How can we (your parents) help you?
Do you have more digital community or real-life community? What differences are there between online friendships and real-life friendships? How can you be in community with other believers and enjoy God’s blessings in this life?
What are your parents trying to do when they limit your technology? Who has given your parents authority over you? What is authority? How are you called to respond to their authority? How are you called to respond if you do not agree with their decisions? Have you disagreed with your parents in this area? How have you responded? How should you realign your heart with an understanding of God’s plan?

Andrew T. Walker and Christian Walker are the authors of What Do I Say When . . . ?: A Parent’s Guide to Navigating Cultural Chaos for Children and Teens.

Andrew T. Walker (PhD, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is associate professor of Christian ethics and public theology at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and an associate dean in the School of Theology. He is a fellow with the Ethics and Public Policy Center and managing editor of WORLD Opinions. He resides with his wife and three daughters in Louisville, Kentucky.

Christian Walker is an accomplished curriculum writer and educator with experience both directing a large children’s ministry in a local church setting as well as spending numerous years in elementary education. She is a teacher at a classical Christian school in Louisville, Kentucky. She resides with her husband and three daughters in Louisville, Kentucky.

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