Don’t Let Envy Poison Your Hospitality
Imitate but Don’t Envy
After telling the church in Corinth to “do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31), Paul tells them to imitate him, as he imitates Christ (1 Cor. 11:1). Human beings are imitators. Think of a baby’s first words. His mother and father keep saying, “Mama!” and “Dada!” and to their delight, he soon mimics their words. Even a baby’s hand gestures and facial expressions are often learned behaviors—so be careful what you roll your eyes at! Imitation is natural for humans; it’s how we learn.
When you witness others practicing hospitality, imitate what you like and what works for your life. Do they have a way of arranging their living room that facilitates conversation? How do they serve drinks or food in a convenient way that would make things easier for you? What sort of easy-to-make meals do they serve that might make hospitality more doable for you?
How Can I Grow in Hospitality?
Keri Folmar
This short book encourages Christians to serve Jesus through loving, welcoming care of others. It features biblical advice for practicing hospitality at home, sharing the gospel with neighbors, and serving in church in a number of ways.
My husband, John, and I had the privilege of staying with our friends Aaron and Deana for an extended period of time during a sabbatical. They did heaps of hospitality during our visit. We felt so welcome in their home that it inspired us to welcome more people into our home.
During our time with them, we saw several things we wanted to replicate in our own lives. For example: (1) Aaron intentionally questioned people around the dinner table. (2) Deana didn’t just text women but called them to find out how they were doing. (3) They asked a dozen church members to grab takeout and bring it over to their house for fellowship after the Sunday evening prayer gathering.
Praise the Creator who made us all with such unique gifts.
At the same time, while it’s helpful to learn from and be inspired by other members, we need to make sure that as we observe our brothers and sisters, we don’t become envious of their gifts and abilities. Churches are made up of a diversity of people, together displaying the manifold wisdom of God (Eph. 3:10). Your church needs members with a variety of gifts and from all kinds of cultures and socio-economic backgrounds. Some of our sisters and brothers might live in big, beautiful homes. Others might love to cook gourmet meals and know how to serve them with style. Some might be naturally charismatic and sociable. Some might be introverts, particularly gifted with one-on-one conversations rather than entertaining a crowd. We won’t have the ability to imitate everything others do. But don’t let that reality serve as an occasion for envy or sinful comparison. Instead, praise the Creator who made us all with such unique gifts.
I had two friends from very different backgrounds. One was married to a top executive, and the other worked at an office. They were both very social and were good friends with each other. The wealthier woman had a beautiful villa and did lots of hospitality both to support her husband and bless the church. She was a friend to many types of people. She hosted other top executives as well as members from our church who lived in labor camps. But each time the less affluent woman entered her house, she saw the life she wanted to live. She began to feel that she wasn’t getting her fair share and eventually was so eaten up with bitterness that she blew up the relationship and left the church.
Our envy of others might not rise to that level, but we need to check our hearts. The Bible lists envy alongside malice, deceit, hypocrisy, slander, and even murder (Rom. 1:29; 1 Pet. 2:1). It was envy that led Jewish leaders to crucify Christ (Matt. 27:18)! Also, let me say from years of discipling in the church, I think hospitality-envy is a particular issue for women. It’s easy to compare ourselves with other sisters. We’re often tempted to think, Her meals are tastier than mine. Her house is better decorated. And on it goes.
Brother or sister, if you’re comparing his chili or her guest bathroom to yours, beware. Galatians 5:26 warns, “Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Competitiveness has no place in the church. Imitate the good, but don’t envy what God has given to others. Hasn’t he been abundantly good to you?
This article is adapted from How Can I Grow in Hospitality? by Keri Folmar.
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