Men: Seek Transparency Rather than Accountability

Voice Your Sins

I don't like the word accountability. I don't like the category of accountability. At times, it opens the door for men to be pressured, cornered, and coerced into admitting what they really don't want to admit. But I would rather speak in terms of transparency because that's mutual. We share transparency.

It's biblical—when I'm with other men of God that I trust and respect—to put out before them the sins of the previous week that most grieved and embarrassed me. When I do that, those sins lose something of their intimidating power. The accusing voice in my head quiets down a little bit and there's a greater sense in my heart of the nearness of Christ and the crisis-diminishing grace of his cross. I relax inside, I feel more forgiven, and I know I'm not alone.

The Death of Porn

Ray Ortlund

The Death of Porn by Ray Ortlund is a series of personal letters written to men assaulted by the porn industry. Every man can experience his true royalty—not through self-help, but by believing the gospel. Pastor Ortlund paints the picture of a whole generation redefining their future with new dignity and confident purpose.

Bonhoeffer says in his book, Life Together, that when a man decides he's going to spend the rest of his life in gentle, honest brotherhood with others, that man will never be alone again. Sin wants to have a man hanging back in the shadows of denial, avoidance, and evasion. That's when sin has got him.

When a man steps out into the light of honest brotherhood in confession, he becomes free.

But when that man steps out into the light of honest brotherhood in confession, he becomes free. New possibilities open up and his brothers then share the burden of his sins with him. That's when a guy actually begins to experience the burden-bearing power of Christ himself.

So, for any man who is feeling alone, the next step is very doable. Call or text the guy you most trust and respect. Get together with him this week and start talking together and praying about what's really going on. It'll make a difference.

Ray Ortlund is the author of The Death of Porn: Men of Integrity Building a World of Nobility.

Ray Ortlund is the president of Renewal Ministries, the pastor to pastors at Immanuel Church in Nashville, and a canon theologian with the Anglican Church in North America. He is the author of several books, including Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel; The Death of Porn; and the Preaching the Word commentaries on Isaiah and Proverbs. He is also a contributor to the ESV Study Bible. Ray and his wife, Jani, have been married for fifty years.