#QandA - Paul Tripp Answers Your Questions about Social Media (Reactivity Episode 8)

March 22, 2023 by: Paul David Tripp

This article is part of the Reactivity: Rethinking Social Media with Paul Tripp series.

#QandA

In this final episode of the Reactivity podcast, Paul Tripp answers questions submitted by listeners related to how Christians should think about social media and its impact on us.

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Reactivity

Reactivity

Paul David Tripp

Award-winning author Paul David Tripp instructs believers to view digital media and technology through the lens of the gospel and points them toward a biblical framework for communication.

Topics Addressed in This Interview:

00:14 - Should we be concerned?

Matt Tully
Paul, thanks for joining me on this special bonus episode of The Reactivity Podcast.

Paul Tripp
It’s great to be with you, as usual.

Matt Tully
A while back, we invited listeners to submit their questions for you related to how Christians should think about social media and how it impacts us and how we use it. We received lots of different questions from people in the US but also from around the world. One of the common threads in the questions that I saw is just the general unease with the effect that social media is having on us, and has had on us, over the last decade or so. And so before we jump into the questions themselves, can you resonate with that general sense of unease that maybe many Christians feel about social media today?

Paul Tripp
It’s very hard to argue that social media has had a positive effect on culture, and particularly in Christian culture. There’s something about depersonalization of our communication that has had a tremendous negative effect on us and has created a comfortability with things that we should not be comfortable with, has created a tribalism that we shouldn’t be comfortable with, a love of controversy that we should not be comfortable with. And so I share that concern. Recently, I just got rid of Instagram because it was a rabbit hole for me, and I don’t want to be controlled by something that is meant to be a tool. Just think about it. I’ll give you a ridiculous picture. If your hammer controlled you, and you’re building a house, you would be very afraid and you would run and you would never, ever use that hammer again. But that’s exactly what’s happened. This thing that was meant to be this wonderful communication tool has changed us and is controlling us, and that’s not a good thing.

Matt Tully
That’s such a good picture, that hammer. It’s such an absurd idea that a hammer would be in control of us, but that is so true of social media.

Paul Tripp
Yep.

02:34 - Does social media actually work against true community and relationships?

Matt Tully
Let’s dig into the actual questions that we received. The first one is from a listener in South Carolina. They write, “For all of its benefits, it seems like one of social media’s biggest dangers is that it can actually work against true community and relationships. Do you agree with that? And if so, what can we do to make sure social media doesn’t have that effect on us?”

Paul Tripp
Well, I think that’s absolutely true. I think that it has become a fake replacement of true community. We were at a Starbucks. There were five young people sitting in a row. They were all on their phones. They were reacting to one another through the phone, although they were sitting next to one another. That’s craziness. And they weren’t actually enjoying the community they could have enjoyed if they just put their phones away and looked at one another face and had normal conversations. So if you are on social media, you have to say to yourself every day, This is not community. This is not community. This is not community. This is not community. And you have to be careful to pursue true, meaningful, face-to-face, real human community, because this is not community. It’s some weird, alien thing, but it’s not community. The people that friend you are not your friends. They’re just not. If you take true friendship, most of the people that we would think are our digital friends do not rise to the level of what a true friendship would be. So yes, I agree with that, and we can’t allow ourselves to think that this is actually community.

Matt Tully
So the problem, if I were to summarize what you’re saying, isn't necessarily the relatively thin relationships, if we can call it that, that we have on social media. The problem comes in that we sometimes confuse those for real community, real friendship, when really, it’s not that. It’s something different.

Paul Tripp
Let me give an example. The person that I’m interacting with on social media, they don’t know what my day’s been like. They don’t know the struggle of my family. They don’t know my hopes and dreams and joys. They haven’t confronted me in places where I need to be confronted in the right, personal way. They don’t love me with that faithful love. I have friends who do that, but these people don’t.

05:02 - What if I’m required to be on social media?

Matt Tully
Another question kind of related to this from a listener in Australia: “I’m off social media, as it often leads me to waste time and heightens my anxiety, preventing me from giving my best as a homeschool mom and wife. My question is, How do we stay connected with others, without sacrificing our own boundaries, when nearly all groups that I’ve come across (whether homeschool or churches or community groups or sporting groups) require involvement with social media to stay connected with the group?”

Paul Tripp
There are two parts to this question. The first answer would be if social media has been dominating your life in a harmful way where it’s harming true community, get off. Some of us just need to separate ourselves, because we’ve lost control of social media. It’s just like you would flee any area of sin. My mantra is Good things become bad things when they become controlling things, because I’m only meant to be controlled by King Christ. The second thing is to understand that there’s a difference between the necessary logistical communication that social media makes easy and letting that replace community. Be comfortable that we can have great contact with one another—easy, instantaneous, we can get details to massive amounts of people quickly. That’s a wonderful benefit that saves a lot of time. That’s different from allowing that kind of communication to replace true community. Use social media, use digital technology for the efficiency of communication it provides for us in areas where we don’t really need community; we just need details getting out there. And make sure that that doesn’t replace true community.

06:52 - How do I teach my kids to use social media in a biblical way?

Matt Tully
Another question from a listener in Vancouver: “What advice would you offer to parents when it comes to teaching our children how to use digital technologies (digital media) in a biblical way?” And in particular they ask, “How can we protect their minds from the negative effects of social media?”

Paul Tripp
I think, first of all, age is a big deal. I don’t think nine, ten-year-olds have any ability whatsoever to have the maturity of wisdom to make choices that they’re going to have to make if they have technology where everything is available to them. It’s just craziness to me. When I see a child of that age walking down the street with a phone, my heart sinks because I know what they’re exposed to and I know they just do not have the wisdom to make wise choices. So, delay. I just talked to a family where the kids are in different schools and they’re involved in after-school activities, and so they’ve got their children dumbphones. Basically, all they can do is make phone calls. That’s using technology wisely. They know their children are not ready for the onslaught of what’s going to happen. Second, I would say if your child is beyond that level, you need to restrict access to your child. A child should not be able to just look at anything. Just as you would protect your child from any other thing in life, you have to be in charge. You have to set the protective boundaries for your child. There are studies out already of the negative emotional, psychological, spiritual effect on teenagers who live on Instagram, TikTok, and those kinds of social media platforms. So I would say this: If you really love your children, you have to be willing to be an unpopular parent. You just have to be willing to make choices that your kids will not, at that stage, understand and be thankful for, and know that you’re doing what’s right and what’s good and what’s loving for them.

Matt Tully
What about advice for the parent who maybe has a 10-year-old and they already have given their kid a smartphone? They already kind of made that decision and maybe now they look back and they kind of regret that, but the cat’s out of the bag. What can they do at this point?

Paul Tripp
Well, I don’t think you’re ever locked in. If I became aware that my 10-year-old was using the phone or an iPad and ways that were emotionally and spiritually destructive, I would either take that phone away and just confess, Mom and Dad made a bad choice, and we’re so sorry, or I’d restrict the use of it so that they could not access those sites. Don’t feel locked in. You’re never locked in. And don’t let your child guilt you into thinking you’re locked in. We are losing generations of young people to these mediums. Listen: these companies don’t love your children. These companies don’t guide your children. These companies don’t protect your children. These companies don’t discipline your children. That’s our job. And we’ve got to rise up and do our job and not let the companies parent our children.

Matt Tully
Speak to the maybe the teenager listening or the young person listening who wonders, Why is this such a big deal? Why can’t I use the apps I want to use and communicate in the ways I want to communicate? Why are you being such a killjoy, Mom or Dad or Paul Tripp? What would you say to him or her?

Paul Tripp
Well, let’s frame that question in a bigger way. Why would my parents ever protect me from anything in the world? Well, the answer is because there’s danger out there, and these people love you. Not everything is without danger. Not everything is good. Not everything has a good effect on you. You were given loving guides and protectors so that you would not be exposed to unnecessary dangers that would harm you. That’s what a loving parent should do. And the dangers of these popular forms of media are well documented.

11:40 - Can social media be a platform for sharing the gospel?

Matt Tully
Another question from a listener in Uganda: “Is it possible to use social media as a platform for extending the gospel?”

Paul Tripp
Absolutely. Welcome to the story of my life.

Matt Tully
Unpack that for us.

Paul Tripp
I was very early on Twitter because I realized, for example, that Twitter was a phenomenal tool. Now, my messy way of saying this is that a tool is a tool. You can do whatever you want with a tool. You can build something wonderful with a screwdriver, or you can stab somebody in the chest with it. And so I decided I wanted to use this for good. I just got an email of responses from people for what I do on social media. Literally, Matt, they brought me to tears of just the good that’s being done because I’m faithfully just punching out the gospel every day. We do multiple postings every day of nothing but the gospel. That’s all I ever post. We probably reach 500,000 people a day. Last year there were over 100 million visits to our social media sites. Well, praise God for that! And that’s happening without me having to get out of my chair. And so, yes, it can be used for good, but you have to understand that a tool can be used for harm too. And so I decided, in the beginning, that I would only ever post the gospel, and sometimes that’s hard to resist. There are conversations I’d like to get into, but I’m not going to do it. I want this to be a tool for good.

13:24 - Is social media necessary for sharing the gospel?

Matt Tully
Here’s a question that is coming at this same issue from the other direction. A listener in Columbia asks, “Would you say that participation on social media platforms is necessary for reaching our culture with the gospel?” In other words, would you ever consider abstaining from social media altogether for maybe all the reasons we’ve discussed already? Would that be tantamount to being unfaithful to our call to evangelize the world?

Paul Tripp
Again, let me frame this larger. Would I agree in a church service that a microphone is necessary for disseminating the gospel? No. But if that microphone can help me reach people in the back row, give me a mic. That’s how I think about social media. Is it mandatory? No, it’s not. But if Paul Tripp can impact a couple in Poland with the gospel on a Tuesday without leaving his house, why wouldn’t I want to do that? So, no, you can’t say that this is absolutely essential, but the ease with which it’s enabled us to shrink the world and get beyond boundaries is really a pretty wonderful thing.

Matt Tully
This comes back to what you said earlier about viewing social media as a tool, and if we keep it in our mind as a tool for a different end—it’s not an end in itself—it helps us to use it appropriately.

Paul Tripp
Yep.

14:57 - How should we respond to those who attack our faith online?

Matt Tully
Here’s another question that is kind of getting a little bit more narrow into a specific case study. This is a question from a listener in Arkansas: “How should we, as believers, rightly respond to those who attack our faith online? I can’t count how many times I’ve been attacked for my faith online, and I don’t always know how to respond with grace and kindness.”

Paul Tripp
Here’s where this is a wisdom issue. Is it just an attack by a person who has no desire whatsoever to communicate with you, doesn’t want to hear, doesn’t listen, doesn’t respect? You’re wasting your time talking to that person, because they’re just searching for Christians to shoot. That’s what they’re doing. I get that all the time. If it’s somebody, who you can tell by what they’ve said or asked, that is seeking a conversation, then that may be a wise choice. You may be used of God to bring changes in that person’s life. So you have to see the difference. Now, why would you try to have a conversation with a person who’s just an attacker? Because you just think too much of yourself, you don’t like to be attacked, and so you want to rise to your defense. And we shouldn’t be doing that. Jesus said, when he was threatened, he didn’t threaten in return, but he committed himself to his Heavenly Father that judges all things justly. If God can’t defend my reputation, no one can. I’m just not going to waste my time defending myself all the time because my message is not about me; it’s about my Lord. And if you have serious questions about my Lord, I’d really love to engage that. If you’re just shooting Christians on social media like they’re ducks in a barrel, then I don’t need to defend myself.

16:49 - As a pastor, how can I use our church social media platforms to glorify God?

Matt Tully
This is a question from someone in Australia that kind of gets at this similar thing, and maybe this is one that is relevant for pastors and and church leaders more generally: “As a pastor, how can I use our church social media platforms to glorify God and help believers do the same, rather than becoming another loud noise or a clanging gong on social media?”

Paul Tripp
Well, let me give the example of the pandemic. There were two forms of pastors during the pandemic: 1) Pastors who all of a sudden were not able to meet regularly and use their normal means of communication, so they just didn’t know what to do. 2) Pastors who thought social media is a way for me to pastor my people through something very difficult. I jumped in and did five minute little postings. I did multiple of those, helping people to understand how to work their way through this kind of global trial, from the vantage point of the gospel. One of the things we do as a ministry is we have a “Wednesday’s Word.” That’s just a thing that we shoot out that can encourage people one time a week with the gospel. You could have a pastor’s moment, for example, on social media that people know is going to come out on a certain day of the week. There are all kinds of things that you can do to encourage people. What you don’t want to do is pastor people digitally. One of the beauties of pastoral ministry is that you’re a living, breathing, real human being, and you are with people. When you get up to speak, they love you and you love them, and that’s a beautiful thing. You can’t do that digitally. So you don’t want to let that replace the sweetness of pastoral love and that kind of community, but there are things you can do that can regularly encourage people through these platforms.

18:51 - What do I do if I’m addicted to social media?

Matt Tully
Another listener from Florida asks, "What advice would you offer to the Christian who’s struggling with some kind of addiction to social media, or their cell phone more generally? What should they do?

Paul Tripp
The first thing I always say with anybody struggling with addiction is get help. Addiction will always lie to you. Addiction is a liar. The more you’re addicted, the more tempted you are to believe those lies. I think breaking addiction is almost always the product of community. Get help. Second, be radical. Jesus said, If your hand offends you, cut it off. Look, that's what I did with Instagram. I loved Instagram, but I didn’t love what it was doing in terms of my time. And so I had to be radical, and I just got rid of it. And so be willing to be radical. Listen. If the world needs to pass by for you to protect your heart, let the world pass by.

Matt Tully
Maybe a follow up question to that, and maybe even taking the example of Instagram for you as an illustration, is there a point where someone maybe feels like, Hey, I’ve gotten this under control and now I can start to introduce this again, and I can do it in a more healthy, balanced way. Is that ever a possibility for someone struggling with addiction? And if so, how do they know when that might be an option for them?

Paul Tripp
Sure, because I believe in the transforming power of grace. But you have to be careful that that is not just the addiction lying to you and edging you back into a place where you’re hooked once again. And the question that I would ask again and again is, Why is this so important to you? If you weigh the damage this has done to you versus the value—the actual value—that this had . . . to me, it’s just very, very clear. In every other area of addiction, if it takes radical cleavage to set me free, then that’s a small price to pay for a heart and soul that’s free.

21:08 - Should the Bible influence our engagement with social media?

Matt Tully
A final question from a listener in Seattle, Washington: “Recently, I’ve been contemplating the pros and cons of being involved on social media, and multiple times I’ve had 1 Thessalonians 4:11 come to my mind, where Paul encourages believers ‘to aspire to live quietly and to mind your own affairs and to work with your hands.’ How should that verse, and other teachings like that in the Bible, fit with how we view our engagement on social media?”

Paul Tripp
Well, they right away tell us that this should not be a dominant force in our lives. They do take you away from a quiet life, simple graces, simple blessing, simple community, simple tasks. Life is designed by God to be mundane. And I think that we have gotten so we don’t like the mundane. Many, many years ago, C. S. Lewis said that politics had become too important in England. He said, Politics shouldn’t be important to you at all. You should never identify yourself politically. That should not be your identity. Politics is just a way of putting government officials in place. We do that during that season, and then we walk away. And we’ve seen how we are divided into all kinds of political tribes. It’s social media that does that. So we can’t let these things become more dominant than they should ever be for us. Again, I’m going to go back to this: keep a tool as a tool. If you had a guy who carried a set of screwdrivers with him everywhere he went, always checking to make sure his screwdrivers were okay, after a while you would think, This man has gone crazy. That screwdriver has a great purpose, but you only get it out when you need it. That’s what we should do with social media. Follow things that are beautiful. Follow things that are true. Follow things that are worthy. Follow things that build your heart and soul. Follow things that confront you and make you think. Follow good things, and then put them away, rather than, I can’t go to bed without looking at my phone. I can’t wake up in the morning without looking at my phone. I can’t be in an elevator without looking at my phone. I can’t be at a stoplight with looking at my phone. That’s a sign of craziness, and we can do better.

Matt Tully
Paul, thanks for taking us on this journey as we’ve explored this reactive culture that we live in and how social media has so often fueled that, but then offering us real hope for change, hope for something better, ultimately founded in the gospel. We appreciate it.

Paul Tripp
Thank you.

Paul David Tripp

Paul David Tripp (DMin, Westminster Theological Seminary) is a pastor, an award-winning author, and an international conference speaker. He has written numerous books, including Lead; Parenting; and the bestselling devotional New Morning Mercies. His not-for-profit ministry exists to connect the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. Tripp lives in Philadelphia with his wife, Luella, and they have four grown children.

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