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The Greatest Problem with Our Shame
Shame vs. Guilt
One of my favorite things to have come out of Scripture in the last decade or so, particularly in the world of counseling as it intersects with Scripture, is how much shame has come to the table.
I am embarrassed to admit that for most of my life, when I heard the word “shame”—in the Bible or in life around me—I instinctively interpreted it as guilt. I thought of it as a strong synonym for guilt—guilt on steroids.
It wasn’t until I read a book called Shame Interrupted by Ed Welch that my categories for shame exploded. Shame is not guilt. Guilt is about right and wrong morality. Shame is about how you are seen. Guilt is what happens in the courtroom. Shame is what happens when you walk out of the courtroom and into the public square.
Untangling Emotions
J. Alasdair Groves, Winston T. Smith
This book sets forth a holistic view of emotions rooted in the Bible, offering a practical approach to engaging with both positive and negative emotions in a God-honoring way.
What does it feel like to have eyes on you? Do you just want to run and hide? Do you feel like you want to run away? Do you feel like you need to cover yourself? Do you feel defeated, helpless, and down? Shame is an enormous category in Scripture. It can be related to guilt.
You can have shame because of things you’ve done that were wrong and you are guilty, but you can have shame and be totally innocent. You can have shame that can be put on you by others, but the way the Lord delivers you from shame is different than the way he delivers you from guilt.
Guilt needs forgiveness. Shame needs honor. Shame needs embrace. Shame needs vindication. And those are promises throughout all of Scripture. So, the huge challenge is beginning to read Scripture with a lens to see what shame is really doing in our lives and how it is holding us back.
All of our emotions were meant to bring us to the Lord.
Don’t Run Away
Unfortunately, most often, what happens when you feel ashamed is that you run away. You hide. You do it with other people who are given to you in the body of Christ to be your help, support, and encouragement. You’re actually meant to open yourself and be seen, loved, and brought in. But we’re scared that if we open up, we won’t be loved and brought in.
That’s what shame tells us will happen. And it causes us to hide from the Lord. We hide in the bushes, and we put on fig leaves because we don’t want to be seen by the one we know is holy and good.
And so the biggest problem with shame is that it cuts us off from the very things we need to be healed and the very places we need to go. As I think about shame and all of our emotions, shame is an emotion and an experience—just like guilt, joy, contentment, or anger.
Any emotion you have is going to impact how you feel about any of your other emotions. Here’s the bottom line. All of our emotions were meant to bring us to the Lord. Our emotions are intended to be this pathway, this highway to his throne room. Or maybe better put, to his lap. They’re meant to lead us to climb up in his lap and to do what Psalm 1:31 says: There’s too much for me. The eyes of the world are on me, and it scares me. Your eyes are too much for me to bear and endure. And yet I can come to your lap, and I can be held. I can be loved.
Bring every emotion. Bring your ecstasy, your horror, and bring your shame to the Lord. Run to him—yes, even in your shame. The greatest danger is that your shame will hold you back from bringing all your emotions—in particular, the places where you feel the worst and most need help—to the one who yearns to hear your heart and to heal you.
J. Alisdair Groves is the coauthor with Winston Smith of Untangling Emotions.
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